Old written poem I found…

Once Upon A…Contradiction

By: NoirNevar

10/02/09

I once was a Picture

Bound and placed

Bordered in a frame, surrounded by ALL

Critiqued and analyzed by ALL

Held captive, Instilled and frozen in a moment

 

I once was the Moon

Secondary, shadowed by the Sun

Envious of its glory

Convicted by its infinite Light and Joy

Forced to fall behind, to follow and never be followed

 

I once was a Tree in the forest

Rooted and stationary

But growing and soaring towards new heights

Seeking out freedom and independence

Striving to be that one unique tree

 

I once was the Sea

Vague and vast, not tamable and always moving

Enveloped in my self, making everyone else seem

Inferior and minuscule; mimicking the sky

Free but lacking stability and forced into solitude

 

Now I am the Oxymoron

The Contradiction amongst all the rest

Sweet yet Maleficent; Compassionate yet Spiteful

Free yet Tamed

I am no longer that Picture

Bound and Stationary

I am a Work of Art

I am Imperfection, I am Flaw, I am Human…

To my crush…

I don’t know how to say what I want to say to you. It’s a really simple task but every time I work up the courage to speak to you, i feel my insides burst and my tongue disappears. I have never felt this way about someone and I don’t know how to react. Sure I have had feelings for others before you but never like this. It’s funny because we have never met but somehow I know you. Just one look from you and everything fades into white noise. Hearing you speak your mind; the way you feel, the things you think, the past you escape daily and the future you have planned makes me want to be there for you all the more. Sadly I am insecure and over think everything. My greatest fear has become you and that in itself is a remarkable duality. What may puzzle you is this idea i have of how much I don’t deserve you. Soon the truth will escape from the prison within my self. I only hope that things will either change drastically for the good or stay the same for the better.

My friend has inspired me to work on  yet another project. I love writing so much but if I don’t stop hopping between projects, I’m going to lose my sanity…

Confession & Quips #3

Image has become more important than it really needs to be. I remember the days when I would stand in the mirror for hours just picking out every flaw known to man. I hated myself and what I looked like. I wondered where all that self hatred stemmed from. After years of self discovery and a constant changing belief system - not to mention daily self analysis…I came to where I am today, still utterly confused but a little less afraid of my image. I would be lying if I told you I didn’t wish I looked like half the guys I see daily but I am improving my view on what beauty really is. It still hurts when someone points out those same flaws that i’ve pointed out myself all my life. I guess I’m just waiting for that one guy that says…”I love you and your flaws”. I constantly improve in hopes that someone will notice me and want me for themselves, i just feel people are hooked on what image is now a days. Everyone wants someone beautiful but what is true beauty? People say that its all about personality but how much of that is true. Attraction is a fickle thing and I cant help but to feel like everyone is superficial. To what degree? I leave that question for you to pose to yourselves.

Confessions and Quips #2

It has come to my attention that I have offended some of the people I didn’t want to offend. The first text post was merely a way for me to get out some thing that was really bothering me. I have no real beef with anyone but i wanted my post to serve it’s purpose. That was to let people know that I was not having it.

I really don’t know how it began but I just wanted it to end. I don’t want people to think I cant take a joke but I do have a voice that needs to be heard and i hope it was. 

For the most part, I love each and every person I have encountered…despite their ill opinions of me. I know some people think i’m weird, annoying, sensitive and sometimes just too much…but I can say I am real and real is the best thing to be. Don’t you agree?

Confessions and Quips #1

I have been exploring a lot on these social media websites lately. I think I am searching for something that doesn’t exist anymore - no, it isn’t love. Being the person I am, It’s kind of difficult to make friends unless you meet me in person. A lot of people pre-judge me because of how i am portrayed through a camera and/or blog. One thing I have always hated is lacking the ability to morph people’s perception of me. This leads me to pose a question to myself…do I really want to? 

Another thing that sort of anger’s me is this stupid random ass shade-throwing that has been coming my way lately. First and foremost, none of these people know my life at all. Second, I have done nothing for people to tell me they dont like me or that I’m irrelevant. Whats the point of telling me that I’m a whore or that I’m weird. I am me and I am free to continue doing me. What really gets me is when I am constantly nice to a person and i keep getting shat on. I dont play around like that and I will never play to the extent that these people have abused.

I am a very sensitive person and I really dont give a fuck that people think thats weak or that it needs to change. I like being sensitive, it shows that I actually give a damn about the human condition and the well-being of others. So pardon me if I dont jump into your random and vicious cycle of verbal abuse. I could see if you actually liked me but that’s not even the case. I say all this to arrive at a point. Be nice…or shut the fuck up and keep it moving. I dont have time for these bull shit ass games. GROW THE FUCK UP!!!